I'm thinking that this year we won't do anything major. Maybe stay home, have supper, and light his candle in memory of him. It's strange how you can go all year and not really have anything bother you and then the month and weeks leading to this event, everything starts unraveling. Remembering all the specific details of the day.
- Registering at 7:30a.m. at Trinity Regional Medical Center by an person who I would eventally begin working with a few months after Benjamin was born.
- Getting on the elevator on the way up to the 4th floor- to have a doctor hop on the elevator and ask us about having our baby and having to mention to him that our baby was no longer alive.
- Getting placed in room 406 to be induced by Dr. Oconnor.
- Having the purple grievance card posted on our door so everyone knew we were delivering a stillborn child.
- Watching cartoons while we waited out the labor process.
- Speaking and crying along with nurse, Lisa Sortedahl.
- Jason drinking the entire stock of coffee in the OB kitchen.
- Our photographer not able to take the much WANTED pictures because she had prior obligations to do a wedding that day. Luckily, others had cameras available because the nurse's camera must have had something wrong with it so all the pictures they took were blurry.
- Waiting to call family members once Benjamin was born as we wanted the labor process to just me Jason and myself in the room up until delivery.
- Receiving flowers and memorials throughout the day.
- Receiving the memorial box from Sister Trudy during Ben's small blessing.
- Going home EMPTY HANDED!
- Sitting at home on maternity leave- not taking care of a child.
So, as the next week and a half come and go- we'll be remembering our sweet little Benjamin along with other family and friends. I'll also be remembering another little boy whose life was taken on September 22nd- a friend from Alaska who I grieved and remembered with as we went through the same struggles in life.
- Having everyone stare at you when you went back to work.
- Listening to everyone tell you that things happen for a reason.
- Telling people you don't have any children to avoid the awkward discussion of stillbirth.
- Walking around with a post-pregnancy belly and no child to go along with it.
- Having to replay the day over and over again.